Have You Ever Lost Touch With Reality?
I am going to use this blog as sort of a topic starter-something that will exist more in the comments(as several of my blogs have) section, than in the text.
Bellow is a list of psychotropic drugs that I’ve at one time or another either been prescribed, or was given in hospitals for my mental illness(bi-polar disorder II), or addiction.
1. Prozac: SSRI’s give me freaky dreams. If you’ve read my nonsense, then you have, maybe, seen the term “flying giraffe” floating around; well, I had a dream that I was on a saddled and flying giraffe once, but that was a result of prozac. My flying giraffe dream was easily one of the most intense and seemingly real dreams that I’ve ever had; and it was fun too. The point is that prozac really but my mind into a high gear psychedelic mode; but only when I was sleeping, and so, I wanted to sleep all of the time.
2. Welbutrin – : people in jails are snorting the stuff now. Now, I can’t tell you were I heard about people snorting Welbutrin, in fact, I might have made that up; but I can still assure you that you can get a bit of a buzz by snorting the stuff. . . .cause I saw someone do it one time, and he told me like this here:
“Yo, dude, I gotz teh Buzz.”
3. Lexpro: newer, fancier named than what I take now, an SSRI. One night on Facebook I was talking to a woman on someone else’s wall, and she’d told me that Lexpro saved her very life. I can’t ever top that for an advertisement, and the woman was serious. I took Lexpro for a while in combination with Seroquel, and some other things; and I felt really good, but that good feeling might not of had anything to do with the pharmaceuticals, as I had some other very nice things going at that time.
4. Celexa: I guess it’s working, I still get freaky dreams, nightly, and I’ve decided that that is just what happens to me when under the influence of selective serotonin re-uptake inhibiting molecules. Sorcery ain’t what it used to be.
5. Remeron: catagorized in the “other” seciton for anti-depressants, it also will
help you sleep, and that’s really the only positive effect, check that, that is the only thing it seems to do, help me sleep.
6. Trazedone: an anti-depressant that is really more of a sleep aid, my experience is that the stuff works like a champ when you first start taking it, but that my body got used to it very quickly; and it’s effectiveness diminished greatly. Like all drugs, legal, or pharma, there is never any way to know how they will affect someone.
7. Risperdal: I thought it worked great at first. Risperdal is an an anti-psychotic, or mood
stabilizer that is widely used. I’ve heard other people say that it’s made all the difference in the world for them, and when I first started taking it, I’d bounce out of bed after a good night’s sleep, and be ready for the day. That is altogether opposite of how I usually am, typically, I wake up and curse the world for me not being asleep. It takes me a lot longer than most to really feel awake.
8. Seroquel: another mood stabilizer that is, in my opinion, a gold star sleep aid.
9. Moban: and anti-psychotic that I think made me more psychotic, clean, or “un clean.”
10. Abilify: a mood stabilizer that I only took for one month’s time.
11. Depakote: I didn’t notice any changes in me.
12. Valporic acid:-I used to think that it was a generic for depakote, but it has a different chemical name.
13. Tegratol: my current mood stabilizer, it seems to work fine for me.
14. Atavan: I told the Doc who gave it to me that I would be awake for days-That didn’t happen.
Okay, I’m sure that there are others that I haven’t thought of yet. I should say that until December 08, I had not taken meds for about three years. Feel free do say or discuss anything you wish-hopefully concerning medications. I’ll probably edit this later.
~Wesman Todd Shaw.~
The Daily Struggle – mood disorders
If you are like me, and for your sake, I hope that you are not; then you spend most all day every day fighting with or working with some sort of chemical addiction in order to feel good. When I say feel “good,” I do NOT mean bouncing off the walls high, or stoned into the ground low, which also, ironically, means “high.” What I do mean is that feeling “good” is merely feeling okay, or feeling productive, useful, sociable, or just human, or even “normal.”
When I wake up in the morning I encounter what is usually the worst feeling of the entire day. I’d rather some stranger on the street just walk up and slap me in the face – that wouldn’t make me feel nearly so bad, the random slap across the face, as I feel each and every morning when I wake up. I do NOT know why I feel so badly in the mornings, but I do, and that is all that there is to it. First of all, my mouth feels awful, and I have a strong craving for some sort of tobacco. First, I have to get up, and go brush my teeth, and then I can smoke, and start dirtying up my mouth again. . .and the very fact that I know what is going on with that makes me feel bad all over again. The next thing then, is that though I am awake, I have no sort of cognition or brain function going on at the proper level, and so I simply must drink some coffee, or otherwise ingest caffeine so as to get my thoughts moving. I have no hunger when I first wake up, so my stomach is empty, and soon, after a few coups of coffee I start getting the jitters from too much caffeine. So now I’ve then got to overcome this brand new bad feeling by eating something that I’m not yet hungry for.
When finally I’m done waking up, feeling awful, overcoming that by brushing my teeth, smoking, drinking coffee, and eating something despite not being hungry; my next problem is that I need to bathe; finally, after bathing, I now can start to feel something close to normal. Sometimes this takes an hour or two. . .just for me to feel like a human being.
Am I complaining here? No, absolutely not, I’m merely trying to describe my daily ritual for feeling like a decent social human being; but I’m nowhere near done. As the day moves on, if I’m not doing some odd job, or air conditioning repair, then you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m right here on hubpages, Facebook, or my yahoo e mail account, and that I’m also devising how I can create another article here at Hubpages, or Info Barrel. If I’ve got some odd, strange, or terrible thing on my mind, then I’m not being productive at all; and that really eats at me. Sometimes I too have some weird sort of writer’s block, and just can’t spit anything out. What to do then? Well, if I’m having writers block or not, as the day progresses I always get really restless, and irritable. I find that light beer not only looses up my thoughts to a position to where I can better express them in articles or in e mails to friends; it also helps me to settle down. If I’m out of alcohol. . . .I’m pacing the floor somewhere, back and forth, and back and forth again, and I’m generally ranting and raving to someone who doesn’t want to hear it. I’m damn sure not online talking to YOU, or writing THIS unless I’m either drinking coffee, green tea and smoking, or unless I’m drinking some light beer, smoking, and listening to music.
I’m just that lethargic in the mornings, and then in the evenings – I bounce off the walls. I have to have something in the morning to help me reach a place to where I can think, and then in the evenings I have to have something that can help me settle down enough so that I can think. I realize that other people have other types of crosses to bare, but this is mine.